THE WRONG TROUSERS ...

...And Nothing at all to do with Wallace and Gromit

I spent the whole day today wearing a pair of trousers that were quite different to the ones I thought  I had on.

I was quite unsettled when I realised.

I will have an early night and hope to put the whole sorry episode behind me.

FUEL RULES...

Behave!  All right?

...Or, Life's a Gas

Petrol Station Etiquette?  Familiar with this?  I thought I was.

I guess we are all up to speed with the General Rules.
It is for Safety Reasons, for example, that mobile phones and car engines should be switched off.
Ditto the whole Not Smoking thing.
It is General Good Manners that we don't bimble around the shop for half an hour if there is a queue a mile long waiting for fuel due to an erstwhile petrol shortage.
Unless I am missing something, I thought that was about it.
You park your car, you fill it up with fuel, and you pay.

Apparently I am wrong.

COOKING WITH KIDS . . .

Or...The Trouble with Cooking with Kids

(I am of course referring to the act of cooking alongside children.  Not using them as an ingredient).

Nothing can be finer, can it, than spending time cooking with your kids?

Well, yes, frankly - plenty of things are finer.  Earwax removal... Filing Tax Returns...Paper-Cuts....

I am quite sure there are about a gerzillion parents who adore cooking with their offspring.

I am not one of them.

In the heady days of Summer Last I made the mistake of declaring in public that I would teach each of my children to cook.  I can laugh now...

ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT...

Or...A Night Away - Featuring Doctor Who, Fans, and Fish and Chips

During the hottest week of the summer holidays, Mr W and I were invited to a wedding which was to be held in Warwick.  I love a Wedding, I love Warwick, and I love staying in Hotels, but perhaps it didn't bode well that it took us three attempts to sign in. 

Each different form - that had us listed variously as Dr and Mrs Hudson of Milton Keynes or one Ms Lambeth from Hull - was presented with such confidence that I started to wonder if we were in fact all those people.

Our room was a bit on the small side, with only about 4 inches clearance between the end of our bed and the wall.  For reasons best know to themselves, it had been decided by the Proprietors that this was the wall upon which the full-length mirror should be placed. 
This would be fine if you were Flat Stanley. Unfortunately, I am not.
 

SPECIAL DELIVERY...?

...Or, Is This What They Mean by Over-Packaged?

The whole thing started with confusion. 

I got home from the School Run to find a Yodel Delivery Service ticket on my doormat, bearing the legend that they Missed Me Today (aah, sweet) when they had tried to deliver. 
But all was not lost - they had helpfully left my parcel 'With The Neighbour at No.10'.

Not my actual Yodel Ticket

Great.  Except we are No.10.

EDUCATIONAL GAMES FOR CHILDREN...

Or...What I learnt about my Daughter

(In fact, should that be 'learned'..?)

Cute, eh?  So is my daughter.
Also evil.

After dinner, while still sitting around the table, I decided it would be nice to play a game together.  Mindful of the long summer holiday which has been filled with way too much computer game time, I wanted to think of something that would encourage our three children to perhaps use their brains a little.

Baby Steps first though, I thought  (also, this was the best I could come up with.  Perhaps someone else needs to challenge their brain a little, hmm?) - and with an enthusiasm in my voice usually reserved for chocolate/mallow-based snacks, I said...

WORLD'S SMALLEST SNAIL...?

Or, What the Sam Heck was this doing in my kitchen?

Is this the teeniest snail in the world?

Lookee here - just found this bimbling along on my kitchen sink. (Yeah. I know.  Best not dwell on that).  His name is Leonardo.

But how did he get there?

LAST DAY OF THE LONDON OLYMPICS...

...or, Why am I such an Idiot?

About a hundred years ago, when Mr W rang to tell me he was bidding for tickets for the London Olympics, I told him I was really not bothered about going.   I enjoyed the Asterix book, but otherwise I'm not really interested in the Olympics.


Why am I such an Idiot?

NOT THE MOST SUCCESSFUL WALK EVER...

I have lived in Ruralish-shire for longer than I've lived anywhere else.

Unless you count the 6 months I spent as a Redcoat at Butlin's Bognor Regis (oh the heights to which I've climbed...) I have actually only ever lived in two places.  Here in Ruralish-shire, and also the town where I was born and grew up - Romford. 
This, my friends, is variously described as being in Greater London, Essex or, more baffling (to me at least), the East End of London.  I give you this information to highlight the fact that I am basically a Townie.

You might think that 24 years spent in the countryside would bring out the Wood Sprite in me, but no.  I'm still bothered being in a field I can see no end to - and absolutely terrified of livestock.  (And I include bugs, insects and some plants in that category).

All this may go some way to explain the following...

IT AIN'T OVER TIL THE FAT LION SINGS...

I have just eaten a slice of toast and marmalade and am the right side of a Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows (pink and white) even though I was neither hungry nor thirsty
I am a comfort eater. 
This is not news to me.

I've just got back from No.2 Son's Primary School Leavers' Assembly. The event I've been dreading since No.1 Son's Leavers' Assembly three years ago.

I DON'T THINK MY SON'S TEACHER LIKES ME...

Our Secondary school uses a 'platform' website (I have no idea) to send email message alerts and to set homework etc.

This week I got one such alert informing me that No.1 Son 'may have been marked absent' and that I should check on the website for more details.



I found a few bits of homework that should have been completed several years ago, but could I find anything on the website about attendance?  I could not. 

I Will Never, Ever, Garden Again...

I have never been much of a gardener anyway...

...Unless you count that one year when I had a thriving vegetable plot.  But that was very much a 'Dig for Victory'  WWII fantasy I was living out, coinciding with the 50th Anniversary of VE Day.

No, Gardening and I have always been Uneasy Bedfellows - I don't do creepy crawlies, damp earth, dry earth, hard work, bugs ...  Also, it makes my skin itch.  Not sure if that's psychosomatic or an actual allergy to something - possibly the 'hard work'.

But, I could no longer ignore that the Shed at the End of the Garden with Clematis Attached, had become Clematis At The End of the Garden with Shed Attached.  So I gritted my teeth, donned my Gardening Gear (Oh yeah, I've got all the stuff), found the secateurs and climbed my Ikea Step Stool ready to do battle.

As I mentioned in a earlier post, I have been casting around for a new name for The Husband.  Although Best Beloved worked for a while (a very short while) it wasn't long before it started grating on me.
Don't get me wrong - he is The Best, and he is also Beloved.  It's just that the name has been used elsewhere and so . . . well, I wanted a fresh and original name for him.
(Turns out BB grated on him too.  But he never said!  Aaaah, sweeeet.)

So. . . I would like to announce that The Husband Previously Known as 'BB' or 'Best Beloved' will now be referred to as . . .

Mr W.

I know. 
Fresh and  Original.

Darn, I'm good.

OVERHEARD. . .

Now I really wouldn't want you to think that I go around eavesdropping, because really I don't.  Although ... there is a lot to be said for being 'aware', I always say.
(It comes from reading so many books about WWII Resistance and the S.O.E - but more on that later). 

It's just sometimes you don't so much 'overhear' things, as have them thrust upon you. . .


I was recently in a Hospital Waiting Room...waiting for The Husband.(Sometimes known as BB, but am currently auditioning different titles for him).

- I seem to start a lot of posts with Hospital Waiting Rooms.  Anyway....

There I was, minding my own business, deep in the pages of my current book about WWII when in came a couple (a man and a woman) who were really rather pleased with themselves. 
Lots of hair-flicking and teeth flashing and effortlessly shabby-chic clothing.

SHE'S A DIAMOND...

Bunting Fever!  I've totally got it.  Actually, I have always had it -  but I have well and truly taken advantage of the Diamond Jubilee celebrations this (long holiday) weekend and bedecked the homestead with  small pennants of red, white and blue.


I got really caught up in the celebrations too.  Not as in dressing as a Pearly Queen, hauling my derriere to London and declaring a lifetime's devotion to the Crown - but in a quiet appreciation (which I suppose is quite British in itself). 
Not just of HM the Q, but of Britain too (ooh, a poem!)

We were lucky enough, where I live at least, to have a couple of weeks of gorgeous weather in the run up to the Jubilee Loooooong Weekend.   Union Jack bunting flapping against bright blue skies would surely put anyone in a jubilant mood?

And that's not all. 

MAY...OR MAY NOT BE TRUE

Another mug photo.  I like mugs.

Best Beloved needed to be taken to  hospital the other day for a Procedure (least said, soonest mended) so I had to wait in the hospital cafe until he was ready to be driven home.

Finding the cafe was easy enough.  Locating the Way In, however, was like a Krypton Factor Aptitude Test.
But find it I did, and I purchased a small Cappucino to celebrate.

I had a bag full of books to while away the hours - covering everything from World War II to the Second World War - and, I'm very glad to say, a notebook and pen.

But why so glad about the notebook and pen? I hear you cry.

MAKING A SPECTACLE OF MYSELF...

Something terrible happened.  Today I stole some Reading Glasses.
O.M.G (as teenagers and other cool types are wont to type).

But it was an accident, Your Honour, honestly!

I was standing in the (long) queue at the Pharmacists, expecting to collect a prescription, idly trying on the reading glasses when I realised,

*#@%@#*!

Ikea - Swedish for 'Fickle'?

It's okay everyone!  It's all o-kay.

Yep, me and Ikea are back 'on'.  Reunited and fully loved-up.  (Actually I think it may be rather more one-sided than that).

In true Viking spirit, Best Beloved braved rush-hour traffic in a foreign land (well, Essex actually) and brought home the spoils of his endeavours.

6  x Insert with Door - White 

I am happy to announce that I have un-disowned the Ikea Family.

Fickle?  Moi?

Ikea - Swedish for 'Frustration'?

Trying to focus on my love for Scandinavia after a disappointing experience with Ikea.

http://wikitravel.org/en/Scandinavia

The love began..well I'm not absolutely sure actually, but I have always loved tales of cold lands, candlelit windows; and I especially love the beginning of The Witches (by Roald Dahl) film - although not the ending because that's just plain wrong, but that's a whole other gripe.

Anyhoo, my love deepened following a trip to Copenhagen with the Best Beloved.  Oh my sweet lord, I actually cried on the train leaving the city - not big ol' heaving sobs, but tears nonetheless. 

Total, total love...(sigh).

But listen to me!  Digressing all over the place!

SUPER NEW PROFILE PICTURE!

A Great Big Thank You to Piers Harper* for my swanky new specially-designed-for-me profile picture!

Ta-da!

It only took me an hour and a half to work out how to change the old profile picture - so give me a few years and you'll be seeing my cheeky little logo all over this blog.

*Piers is a published children's book illustrator who is currently working on his own line of e-books.  You can find his brand-new website here.