IT WAS A PECULIAR DAY, AND NO MISTAKE...

Sometimes I feel like an alien visiting from another planet.  Mostly during mealtimes with the family

when they all talk animatedly about some television programme they've all seen but I've never heard of.  Also when I am 'out and about' as well.  (I used the inverted commas there because 'out and about' is not a phrase I usually like to use, but use it I have.  I guess I wanted to separate it in some way from my otherwise 'usual' prose.  There I go again.  What is it with all the ' 's?)

One of my side-lines (apart from being an internationally renowned blogger and sought-after panel show guest) is making wooden Christmas decorations.  I love it. I feel I am one of Santa's Little Helpers - which is either sad or sweet, depending on your viewpoint.

APPEARANCES CAN BE DECEPTIVE ...

I have been 'blessed' with a fizzog which, in repose, looks like I am the most disapproving, snarky, mean person ever in the world ever.  This is most unfair because I am none of those things (except maybe a bit snarky sometimes, but then I'm usually just trying to be amusing).

Basically, I am quite a happy little soul.

This, however, is not reflected on my face.  My face says, 'I am entirely miserable and I heartily disapprove of you'.

This is not me begging for reassurance, this is me being honest after seeing way  too many photographs and videos with me looking for all the world like I despise every person I am spending time with.  Which I do not.

My kids call it my 'Game Face'.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

'The Transport of the Future'

When we were kids, my brother and I had a couple of big old books from the 1950s that I think must have belonged to my mum, or her brothers, when they were youngsters.   My brother kept them in his room, mostly because he was the eldest, and partly because I was inclined to 'mark' the pages of books with a red biro.

These old books, among their tales of derring-do, included full page illustrations entitled, 'How the World Will Look in 1975!' These pictures caused us endless amusement with their prophecies of personal flying saucers and hover-highways.

Confidently I proclaimed that all the major developments had already been made.  There would be no more major leaps in technology or lifestyle because, 'if you think about it', I said, with total conviction, 'there is nothing more to invent'.

I know.  What a nob.

ESTATE AGENTS...Agents of whom?

Estate Agents.

(This space is left blank for your own comments).


Well we all have our opinions of Estate Agents.  I did, many years ago, meet a FANTASTIC Estate Agent.  He was faultlessly marvellous but, unfortunately, for the most part I have been frustrated, befuddled and bemused by the Agents I have come into contact with.

FOOD FACTS AND COOKING TIPS...

...From Someone who has been Cooking for Over Thirty Years and has Learnt Almost Nothing

This smiley banana-y face marks the beginning of my New Series of 'Food Facts and Cooking Tips'.

I hope you're excited.

I am a Big Fan of The Great British Bake Off, of Delia Smith, and especially of anyone who can produce a delicious and nutritious meal using 6 ingredients or fewer.  (More than six ingredients and I lose concentration).

However, I feel there is a gap in the market for the rather more basic cooking tips and info.
This is a hole I intend to plug. (Ooh,  sounds rude).  And so I begin...

RESULTS ARE DUE - BUTTERFLIES HAVE LANDED....

GCSE results are out tomorrow for our First Born No.1 Son and distractions are in order. 

I am experiencing severe butterflies and those who know me know I am seriously phobic about butterflies; so imagine my pain.

Yes I know, all very beautiful. But really...yeuch.

How's No.1 Son?  Meh, dunno.  This one is all very much about me.  (I'm kidding, I've been 'supportive' and stuff).

Anyhoo, getting back to the whole 'distractions' thing ...

IT'S A DOG EAT DOG WORLD...

Food.  We have so much choice these days, we really are spoilt ... for choice.  Our beloved pets get in
on the act too.  Witch (the DNBtD dog) is herself partial to a spot of Casserole with Peas and Pasta (courtesy of the good people at Winalot), which is a tad more exotic than the food I present to my children sometimes.

WATER DAY FOR A FIGHT...

Gosh but it's been hot.  Sooo very, very hot. I am talking weather-wise here, in case some of my more sensitive readers were starting to shift uncomfortably in their seats.

It has also been the last week of term, and in the case of No.3, my youngest, my baby girl - it has been the last ever week at primary school.  Yep, she's off to BIG SCHOOL in September.

*gulp* 

We've just done the Leavers' Assembly, which was lovely and personal and very, very emotional - and last week we gave them a Leavers' Party; where they had water pistol fights, a water slide, pizzas and ice-cream.
We raised money to provide everything for the party, but everyone had to supply their own weapon.  So naturally we got our girl the biggest, baddest beast we could find...

OVERHEARD ...

I was in the local branch of my bank (as in the bank I use - not the bank I own, obviously) and I was kept waiting 20 minutes past my appointment time.  Now I can't help feeling I should have telephoned them, or perhaps sent a letter saying they had gone over the agreed time and maybe even charged them for it.  But that would be petty (not to mention pointless) and besides, if they'd have been on time I would have missed this exchange:

A Couple had come into the bank and sat in the Waiting Area (where I was...waiting...) and they had brought their large Collie dog in with them.

IT'S ALL A BIT WEIRD...

Things are a little weird in our house at the moment.  My first experience (as a parent) of GCSEs is taking its
toll.  No.1 Son has been pretty awesome and level-headed - but the pressure is starting to show.  He's tired and, no doubt, nervous about the results in August.

But that's enough about him!  What about me?!  I'm exhausted.  This parenting lark is tough.

Add to that the pressure of trying to find a part-time job that:

a) Fits in with the family/dog commitments and

b) Doesn't involve a Deranged Boss. (I haven't mentioned her before.  Ex-boss. Trust me.  De-ranged).

SUICIDAL SNAILS...?

....Or, Simply Hiding in Plain Sight?

I am quite the Conservationist.  Virginia McKenna has got nothing on me.  Every time I walk down our garden (I say, 'down' our garden. This means back down our garden towards the house. You will need to assume that I have already been up the garden and coming back down the garden therefore constitutes the second leg of this epic trip).  Where was I?  Oh yes, every time I walk down our garden I check that the bird feeder is replete with Fabulous Fat Balls. 

I know. It's humbling.

Well yesterday the Bird Feeder was, indeed, full enough and on closer inspection I noticed there were some 'little extras'.

G.C.S.EEEEEEEEEEEK!

Or...It's a very testing time 

(see what I did there? I know.  Subtle).

It is GCSE time and No.1 Son is currently embroiled in about a month of examinations.  It's the W Family's

first foray into the realm of Public Examinations, but No.1 seems fairly cool.  Just nervous enough to concentrate (I hope) but not so stressed out as to be gibbering in the corner.

The same can't be said for me, unfortunately.  I have been at various levels of Ultra Tension since his mock exams at the end of last year.   It's all so huge.  How ridiculous to be under this much pressure at age 15. Sitting in the shade of trees whittling a piece of stick is surely a better way to spend these sunny days of youth.

OOH! A PUZZLE...

I like puzzles.  Not jigsaw puzzles.  Jigsaw puzzles hurt my head because they are impossible.  Don't be fooled by folk who finish jigsaw puzzles  'as proof' - 'tis nothing more than smoke and mirrors.

It is not that I dislike Jigsaws because I can't do them.  There are plenty of puzzles I can't do but still like.



For example:

MIXED MESSAGES...

...Or, I think I know what you mean.

Q: What two things will guarantee dark skies and rain storms?
A:  Me hanging out my washing and/or deciding to write a post related to sunshine and warm days.

So I am abandoning my intended post about warmness and brightness and general sun-ness and will instead share something from this (early) morning's walk with M'Faithful Hound.

It was not raining and The Dog was in fairly fine fettle - having just finished a course of steroids to deal with her IMPA  -  see The Dog (Don't Break It).  (Which reminds me, I really must update Witch's story). (Enough with the brackets).

TODAY'S FAVOURITE JOKE...

There is every chance that I am leeeetle behind the times with this one, but I only heard this joke the other day and it is now my favourite and I am going to share nicely with you all.

Brace...

THERE'S NOTHING LIKE A GOOD POEM...

...And this is Nothing Like...(you know the rest)

Cat stalking Witchy

I am currently pretending that ...

a) the weather isn't crap and

b) there are no shouty workmen next door

And in this spirit I give you my Spring Poem ...

... wait for it, it's coming....

Mother's Day

Artwork by Piers Harper

Here in the UK this Sunday is Mother's Day. 

To mark the occasion I would  like to share with you a conversation that took place between me and No.1 Son (aged 15) earlier this week.

Here it is...

Is It Just Me ...?

Back (I may have made that up) ... by popular demand (I definitely made that up) is the latest in my series (again, made up) of ...

Is It Just Me?

We have, these last couple of days, had a Workman in doing stuff to our bathroom. He is here, as I type, clattering away.

We don't usually have too much in the way of Stranger Traffic in our bathroom but, due to an elderly plumbing system, disintegrating fixtures and fittings, and the housing of our Central Heating/'Hot'* Water Boiler, we do have some.

THE POWER OF PRAYER...

...or, Perhaps it's just who you know

Walking my faithful hound this morning I saw this, on the door of the local church's office.

We've probably all wished, at some time or another, that we didn't have to go into work quite so early.

How reassuring to see that sometimes these prayers are answered.

Have a happy day x

SPRING - STILL SPRINGING!

Especially for Alan and My Husband's Cousins*... because I could tell how much they all enjoyed my earlier post

Yep, still Springing in our garden (and elsewhere too, no doubt).

Quick update on this, posted only a short while ago ...

OOH, KIDS...THEY'RE A WORRY

My Actual Real-Life Family

It's tough, isn't it?  You worry about your kids.

You worry if they're not potty-trained when everyone else's toddler seems to be...
You worry they won't have any friends...
You worry they'll forget their lines in the school play...
You worry how they'll do in their exams...

I have no doubt that I will worry about something about one or all of mine until the day I die.

But it's a rare child who starts secondary school still wearing nappies.  And kids are way more capable than perhaps we give them credit for.


Of course we all learn - as stages pass - that all too often we have worried unnecessarily.


But now, Ladies and Gentlemen, might I suggest that when you open your 11 year old daughter's bedroom door and this is what greets you ...

This is the time to worry.

SPRING IS SPRUNG

It's amazing the difference a bit of blue sky makes. *Takes deep, cleansing breath in*.  Ah yes, life is good.

Walked the dog this morning without a coat, hat and extra socks.  Admittedly I was still wearing a v. thick cardigan and a scarf - but then it is still February.

Ah jolly, I thought to myself, as I bimbled along with the houndy, admiring the spring flowers in Other People's gardens.  I recognise daffodils (but there were none) and snowdrops (plenty) and I assume the other pretty little, dainty blooms were crocuses and ... other spring flowers I have heard of.

I really must, I also thought to myself, sort our garden out.  We are lucky to have one; and it is so nice to take a moment and look upon pretty things growing.  Ooh, my setting seems to be jammed on 'Wistful'.

A VALENTINE'S DAY MILKSHAKE...

Pity the man whose wife's birthday is just beforeValentine's Day.

He doesn't want to be buying more chocolates and/or cards and/or flowers.  And I don't blame him.

No really I don't.

I'm lucky enough to be married to a man who does (is that the right word?) romantic gestures all year round (on reflection I think perhaps makes romantic gestures is better) . . . Things like putting air in my car tyres; not making me feel a big ninny for being too much of a pussy to drive anywhere other than very, very local; encouraging me to do the crafty and writingy things I enjoy even though I feel guilty because I don't go out to work ...
I could go on.
(I won't, don't worry).

BEHIND THE TIMES? MOI?

Or ... Bear With Me, I'm new to Mad Men

I was aware of Mad Men.  Ooh yonks ago I heard about it.  I just never saw any of it. 

Until late last year when the good people at Sky or BBC, or some other magic thing that shows me tv programmes, started running the serieseses again, right from the beginning.  

I have now seen Five and Half Series.

And can I just say ....

SSHHH! IT'S A SECRET...

Or...I went to a Talk.  It Was About The War.  

Well hello again.

 This week - look at me jumping straight in there, no shame I tell you - I did a most exciting thing.

You may have to use your imaginations a bit here because I can understand that, although it was very exciting to me, it may not be everyone's idea of a thrill...

This week I took myself off to A Talk at the Local Historical Society.  Yes, A Talk.  How grown up is that?

It was with great excitement that I noticed in a glossy flyer that plopped into my entrance vestibule, that 'British Resistance in World War Two' would be debated.  It even had words like 'Dad's Underground Army' in the blurb.  How could I resist?

Well I couldn't, is the short answer.

MEMORIES; LIKE THE CORNERS OF MY MIND...

...Or, alternatively, Like the Ones in Our Book

Hello to you and a Happy (if belated) New Year!

Wooohoooo 2014!
Not sure why that elicited such a whoop from me - I was after all expecting it to be 2014.  As far as I know there were no plans for a 2013a.

And what will this New Year bring, I wonder?  Who knows.  So far in our area we've had torrential rain, resulting in swollen rivers and muddy dog-walks - and, on a more personal note, I've just done 2 hours of ironing.  Who knows what else is in store?  Not me, that's for sure-as-susan.

To wantonly misquote the lyrics from 'Road to Nowhere' - "We don't know where we're going, but we do know where we've been".  It's just we can't always remember the details.