Friday, 17 June 2016

Without Rhyme or Reason

thinking of ideas
My dear old Grandmother used to tell me, ‘if you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything’.  And she was right. 
I plough on regardless...

Entirely devoid of blog post ideas, I have decided to inflict my poetry on you.  It’s okay, I know it's terrible, please don't feel you have to say anything nice.

I am to poetry what William McGonagall is to...poetry, apparently. I had never heard of him.  I just Googled 'Bad Poets'.

I can only dream of his level of success.

I actually used to think I was quite good at poems.  I am not sure why.  And then I saw the masterpieces that Haze, my Bestie at school, used to produce at a moment's notice (and probably still does when the need arises).

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Happy Birthday To You...


I have already touched on the subject of Leap Years here.  But on this auspicious day I thought I'd like to share with you the EPIC poem I wrote for No.2.
On the occasion of his birthday. 
Which is today.

Although, as will become clear, my talent for poetry is Astonishing - my talent for presentation of word documents and the like is about a thousand years behind non-existent. 
For this I apologise.  I would have liked to present you with a visually pleasing item.  Unfortunately that is clearly Not To Be.

Try not to let it hamper your enjoyment.

Today is Your Birthday
The Actual Date
Nasty, Fat Leap Year
Making You Wait

Friday, 29 January 2016

It's a Pea Souper!

It's not, I'm just going to be talking about soup

We took the family out for a meal on New Year's Day - starting, we decided, a New Tradition.

Our Waiter was thoroughly charming and, after he took our drinks order, he ran through the day's 'Specials' and informed us of anything they'd run out of.

(This will probably be better if you say it aloud).

", finally... the Duck Starter is sold out, and our Pea today is Soup.

No, wait...that doesn't sound right..Our Soup today is Pea.

Actually, that doesn't sound much better does it?  Sorry... 


I was beside myself.  
And continued to be so for many hours.
Much to the delight of my family.

Monday, 18 January 2016

Freaky Friday...

Or anyone for Fish & Chips?

Friday was an unusual day.

An early morning trip to the vets with the DoNotBreaktheDog dog saw me in the waiting room while she howled through her blood test  (apparently she was as good as gold, just 'sang' the whole time).

After staring at all the toys on the revolving stand, I was left to Read With Interest the various signs and displays on the walls.  Apparently it's Dental Month.

But what really caught my eye was a display about having your pet microchipped.  V important.  The animal has a small chip inserted under their skin and the police and other pillars of the community have a reader (each, presumably) which will help identify the pet.  Marvellous.

Helpfully, someone at the vets had cut out shapes of all the different animals you could get chipped.

They included Dogs, Cats, Guinea Pigs and fish.

Wait....  FISH?!?  For seriously?  What, like goldfish?

Wednesday, 30 September 2015



I am reeling from an incident I witnessed not two days ago, which illustrated all too vividly the brevity of life.

I was standing in our 'Entrance Vestibule' - as the space between our front door and the rest of our house was somewhat grandly described in the Estate Agents tissue of lies details when we bought our house - looking for my shoes, when a Fly buzzed by.

I am irritated by Flies and their toneless buzzing, and find their life-choices re paddling around in poo baffling; but I wouldn't necessarily want any harm to befall them.

I am also terrified of irritated by Spiders and their hairy-leggedness; but I have allowed Mary to dwell on our Front Door for some months now.